Mad, Sad, Glad, or Scared?: The Power of Naming the Feeling

by Ashley Roberts, MSW

I had a professor in college who insisted to us in the first few days of classes that there are only four human emotions. Now, we were a class full of brand new social work students and we were certain that this couldn't be true. The range of the human experience cannot be that simple, can it? Well. That's exactly why this professor taught us to boil it all down to four emotions-- Mad, Sad, Glad, or Scared. Everything else can grow from there. 

Being able to give a name to what we're feeling is the core of mindfulness. I know. Mindfulness is a buzz word that's been thrown around way too much recently but hear me out. I believe that the mass-marketed idea of mindfulness isn't actually mindfulness. It tells you that you must achieve a clear mind, almost an absence of emotion to be successful. That is not possible. It's not human. We will always feel something. 

True mindfulness is being able to identify what we're feeling and accepting it. From there we can ask ourselves some questions and make some choices--do I like how I'm feeling? If not, what needs to change? Can I change it? How? Identifying the feeling and then making informed decisions about what to do with it gives us power. Often, not being able to do this makes us feel powerless, which can lead to all kinds of distress. 

I know that writing it out like this makes it sound overly simplistic. This isn't always easy. Being human isn't easy at all. All I can hope is that I might give you a framework that lets you plug in your circumstances and put the puzzle together. 

So, let's review-- start with any of the stressful, angering, depressing, overwhelming situations that are guaranteed to come at you in life. Stop for a minute. Take a breath (I know, it's overplayed and cliche, but stay with me). Name the feeling. It's going to be tempting to come up with something complex and fancy like "aggravated" or "morose" but, save yourself the trouble. Am I Mad, Sad, Glad, or Scared? I promise you that every feeling you could have fits into one of these boxes. Start there, then get more detailed. Once you've named the feeling that fits, ask yourself the questions-- what's making me feel this way? Do I want to keep feeling this way? If not, what can I do about it? What can I not do about it? -- That gives you the action plan. From there, you can go forth and make real change in your life. It gives you control-- and isn't that something we all strive for? Control over our own lives. 

Remember, you are never alone in this. Talking these things out with a trusted person or a professional can be very helpful and validating. You don't have to bring anyone else into your mindfulness, but you always can. 

Stay well, my friends. 

Ashley Roberts, MSW